Why are hot chicks so dumb? I’ll explain it to you

Not long ago I went to the local Village Inn, which was lovely, for a breakfast skillet. While parking, my friends and I noticed a car with writing on the back windshield containing phrases like, “Hot girls on a road trip”, and “Honk at us, we’re hot!” Naturally I was anxious to get inside and take a gander at these sirens, and then I was reminded of one of nature’s constant truisms: Hot chicks don’t advertise. Needles to say, the breakfast skillet was the most attractive thing at the V.I. that morning. This is one of Darwin’s cruelest twists. Less attractive girls are genetically driven to convince themselves that they are hot in order to propagate the species. This is necessary because most chicks aren’t hot, and the human race would simply die out otherwise.

I could write an entire thesis on this subject, but I’ll try to sum it up more quickly here. Hot chicks are stupid by nature because if they were smarter than the average girls, they would quickly take control of all male actions and severely limit the growth of society. Look at how easy it was for a skank like Monica Lewinsky to infiltrate the White House. Imagine what she could have done if she were mildly attractive! Think about it. Is there anything more deadly than a really hot girl who knows how hot she is and wields that hotness for her own personal gain? If hot girls were to become aware of the power they posses and unite their collective hotness, Amazonian rule would result in a matter of days.

This is also why all girls think they are fat. The fat perception is nature’s way of preserving order. Let’s face it, if women ruled the world we’d still be struggling with discoveries like fire and manmade tools. And don’t give me any of that, “wait a minute, so and so is beautiful and she’s a genius” bull crap. Some sheep come out black (it helps the species to continue to evolve), but the general rule is always consistent. So don’t complain or get down on hot chicks if they don’t quite measure up above the neck. It’s not their fault. In fact, they’re just doing their part to keep society from imploding. So go ahead and buy that dumb hottie a drink, and let nature take its course.